Month: November 2015

The story of the prodigal son found in Luke chapter 15, is a story of redemption. As a child I related to the bad one, the demanding, spoiled, self-centered, narcissistic, bad one.  He demanded his share of his Father’s inheritance before the man had even died. He then went and partied in a far off land. He blew through his money. He finally was reduced to take a job feeding pigs ( by the way he was Jewish). He was literally starving himself to death. I find it interesting that none of his party friends were there to help. He decided to go back to his Father and ask to be a servant. The Father saw him way off in the distance and ran to meet him. I can relate to the times that I took stock in the world, earthly relationships, jobs, titles, and not realized that every true gift is from God. The son had a speech prepared and apologized for his behavior.  How many times have I gone to God on my knees not worthy? How many times has God embraced me extending grace and mercy? The Father took his son back and not as a servant back  into the family and to top it off threw a party. I loved this story because :

I have pride.

I have selfishness.

I have the attitude of I can do this myself, I don’t need God or anyone.

I am a mess.

The Father is supposed to represent our Father in heaven with compassion on us. As a kid I thought how sweet to be able to screw up that much and still be welcomed back. I felt like I had a free ride to do what I wanted to do. I never gave much thought about hitting rock bottom or the repentance part, or the fact that the “rules” in the bible are their for our protection those ideas never crossed my mind. What a merciful God to give us Grace.

Now comes the second son the good one. The boring one, he stayed and worked. He was obedient, never once did he ask for his inheritance early, saying peace out I ‘m gone to squander the family  fortune away. He stayed and worked hard. He was angry when his brother returned and had a party thrown in his honor. He confronted his Father with the facts he had worked, was respectful, and didn’t do the things his brother did. Where was his party? The Father comforted his son explaining that the son had everything the Father had and the son was always with him, he went on to say  that his brother was lost but is found, was dead but is alive again. The father pleaded with his son to come to the party and celebrate. How many times have I been like this brother trying to earn God’s love?  Angry when I didn’t get what I think God owed me? Too many to count. I compare myself to others thinking I am not as bad as that, but truth be told we are all like the two brothers.

Do I think my way is better than God’s?

Do I work trying to earn God’s love?

Do I compare myself to others?

Am I angry when I don’t get what I think God owes me?

Do I refuse to go into the party because of shame or pride?

All of these are checked for me.

Prayer for today:

Please Lord give me balance let me repent of my sins not living in shame, let my actions and thoughts not become prideful. Please oh please give me a heart of trust, trying not to earn my place in Heaven through my works. Please let me be grateful for the gift of grace  and salvation because we all should be at the party.

Since this the month of November, I am posting what I am thankful for. The biggest blessing in my life has to be accepting Christ as my savior.  The story is long and painful on how I came to know Christ. I want to share in case it helps someone gain perspective. My childhood was not ideal to say the least. My mother was ill when I was young before I was five she was diagnosed with MS. She was in and out of hospitals and I was bounced around from one home to another. By the time I was a teenager she was addicted to painkillers and had tried to end her life at least once. She was diagnosed with cancer and died when I was nineteen. My father was a minister but didn’t practice what he preached. The hypocrisy and the secrecy of my family life, which I equated to God, were too much. Too much negativity, judgment, covering up, just too much. I was confused most Sunday’s I could spot the fakers just like me but the real Christians I couldn’t relate to. I couldn’t figure out how they could fake happiness and peace so well.

I was sexually abused as a child. The secret of my mom’s drug habit and my dad’s hypocrisy was expected even demanded to be covered and not talked about, but my sexual abuse was for all to know. My mother talked about it often to others, all the while telling me how dirty I was for being sexually abused. I hated God and Christians, all where lumped into a group, which I wanted nothing to do with.  I grew up and ran from the church. I even wanted to protect my children from the evils of Christians.

It wasn’t until my mid thirties did I realize my drug of choice was food. I loved chaos. I was living with a spouse who talked to me like my parents did. I needed help. I ended up through a series of events going into a church.

  I finally met Jesus. Not the Jesus I learned about as a child, the Jesus I met was strong, patient, kind, merciful, seeker of justice, most important loving. I met love for the first time. The loving part was tough, I had held onto so dearly lies claimed as truth for myself.  Jesus was kind enough had enough mercy on me to have me release all of the lies.

I’m not good enough. – Truth is no one is good enough that is why there is grace.

I’m dirty. – We all are, his blood makes us white as snow.

I have bad genetics. – We can denounce generational sins.

I am not lovable. – Even if it were just me, he would have gone to the cross.

I laid my shame down. I breathed for the very first time. All of the weight of the lies, pride, independence, and the judgment came off.

I beg you if you are a Christian love the unlovable. Show mercy and grace.

I always watched Christians in my profession, which is the restaurant business. Christians usually tipped the worst and as a manager were the worst to deal with so demanding and rude dressed up in their church clothes.  I think of how many opportunities I had with Christians before I met Jesus. I wonder if Jesus would recognize some of the Christians as Christ followers. I am not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes. I am trying to make the point that every interaction leaves a person seeing Christ or not. I have been hurt by the church and Christians. I have hurt the Church and Christians for that I am sorry. I don’t follow people, I follow Christ, but before I followed Christ all I knew were his followers. I try to remember my life before Christ, I was so unlovable. I was hurt and hurt others.    I am thankful for the people who were lights for me in the darkness even when I was unlovable. My challenge for you and myself is how are you influencing others today? Show Love, Mercy, and Grace, someone’s life might change, they could meet Christ’s love which sets us free.