Month: June 2016

I never thought of myself as materialistic person until now. I like making a house a home by decorating or nesting. I have memories tied to everything I own. I recently moved with a suitcase. I left everything at my house including my dogs with my son who is home from college to embark on a new adventure. I miss my stuff. I miss my cookware, my dogs, my bed, my memories tied to stuff. I am ashamed of how attached to my stuff that I am.

I have wasted joy  missing my home.

I wonder if Jesus asked me to sell all I have and give it away to the poor, how I would handle that request.

Mark 10:21

Then, looking at him, Jesus loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.”

The man didn’t do it.  He chose his stuff over Christ. I have always judged because if someone asked or needed something of mine I would give it away no question, but now I am pausing.

I miss my stuff. I know I will get my stuff back by the end of the summer. I miss making a house into a home. I feel like a visitor in my surroundings right now. I am embarrassed by how I feel. It is just stuff.

I have a new respect for missionaries. I wonder if they ever feel at home. I also wonder if God made them different. Paul was able to stay single, but he encouraged others if they needed to be married to be married. I know being married requires more work with attention than when I was single, but my personality needs to be married. My heart longs for that. Maybe just maybe nesting is a way of being hospitable to others. I don’t know the real answer. I do know stuff all burns up in the end and if I don’t use what ever God has given me for him, it is worthless.

I want to serve. I want to follow. I would like to think that I could leave everything and serve, but this experience has made me pause.

I have a new respect for all of the disciples. They left everything behind to be obedient.  God has called me to this new adventure and I was obedient. I wonder if the disciples ever missed their previous lives. I don’t know. I do know I wouldn’t trade my life now for my previous life. I wouldn’t want to not be obedient. I have been lost for 36 years of my life and to be in Christ is gain. I guess I have answered my own quandary, I would choose Christ over stuff and it is okay to be homesick. Ultimately I want to be homesick for my eternal home with my focus away from the worldly possessions.

Prayer for today: Please God let me focus on the task at hand being grateful for all that I have been given. Give me peace about the worldly possessions and use me for your good not my own. In Jesus name, Amen.

“Whoever conceals an offense promotes love,
but whoever gossips about it separates friends.”

Proverbs 17:9

I started writing out scripture after watching the War Room.

My prayer “closet” is a bulletin board of post it notes across from my toilet. Each post it note contains a scripture that I read and pray for a certain person in my life.

I have noticed as I pray for change, my heart changes. I am convicted.

I have gossiped and judged. I still do. I need to stop and promote love. Only God can change and convict, it isn’t my job. I can speak directly to a person with a kind and gentle spirit, but talking to someone else doesn’t help. In fact it hurts, gossip hurts if the person being gossiped about hears it indirectly. Gossip also justifies pride.

Directly talking to the person in a kind and gentle way gains perspective. Perspective gains knowledge of knowing the other side of a situation which promotes love.

Prayer for today:

Lord please help me love like you. You have concealed so many of my offenses. Thank you for the Holy Spirit with conviction changing my heart in a gentle and kind way. Please let me emulate your way not mine.

Further Reading: Galatians 6: 1-10

When major life change happens it is hard to understand why it happens to us.

Why me?  This is crass but I often look around and say to myself it could be worse to soften the blow of the pain. At least I don’t have it as bad as so and so. Horrible thought process.

I am reminded of Jesus and how much of a sacrifice he made.

He was in Heaven. The greatest place far more than my mind can ever comprehend and he came down to earth to serve and die.

When Adam was formed Jesus’s fate was sealed.

Why then if our creator left the most high to come to earth, serve eventually giving his life, giving us eternal life, do we fix our eyes on the temporary pain of this earth?

Pain hurts.

Philippians  2: 5-11  states that Jesus humbled himself and was obedient, because of his actions God exalted him.

Life changes can be a learning experience.

Psalm 66:10-12

” For You, God, tested us; You refined us as silver is refined. You lured us into a trap; You placed burden on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us out to abundance.”

So if we humble ourselves, look for God’s refinement, at the proper time he will bring us into abundance. I am not insinuating the blab it and grab type of religion. Abundance can mean wisdom, or something else that God sees fit. Every good thing comes from our Heavenly Father meant to glorify him. We are the stewards.

James 1:2-4

 ^“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “

We can have joy because joy is rooted in hope. We have hope in our eternal life, a testimony in the trial, faith that all things work for good for those that love the Lord, knowing God is close to the broken hearted, and in the end if we are humble and pass the trial we will be exalted at the proper time.

If the attitude of Christ was service and being humble, I want the same.

Prayer for today:

Thank you Lord for your Son and what a great example we have. Let us be a servant to you persevering through the trials of life, knowing this life is temporary and the pain won’t last. We have joy and hope. In Jesus name, amen.

I was standing waiting on food, at a fast food place. I won’t mention the name but I hate their food but the play area is the favorite spot. Anyone knows that a three year old and a great play area has priority at any given time. So I am waiting, my husband has already secured a spot and is watching her play. I feel eyes staring at me and turn around make eye contact and give a half hearted smile. I don’t know this man. I quickly turn back around to avoid eye contact or conversation. I just want my crappy food and some conversation with my husband.  I get my food and join my family. At the end of the meal I leave the play area and I am back at the counter, dessert is the only redeeming factor to this meal. The man approaches. I want to leave but I’m stuck.

” Read John 14. ”

I thank him and told him I would. I was surprised. Did he wait for me to leave the play area? John 14?  I couldn’t recall what the chapter was about.

“You look stressed. I can see it all over you. Read the whole chapter but pay attention to verse 12. God told me to tell you this.”

I thank him again and promised I would read it.

I waited for my dessert. When I joined my husband, the man was telling him the same thing. He then left.

We sat there looking at our phones reading.

John 14:12

“I assure you: The one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.”

We read the whole chapter, verse 22 stuck out to us.

We are and have been seeking God’s face but it is complicated. We are both widowed and people are hurting around us. God moved this relationship fast and was clear but other’s are concerned to the point of disowning or not communicating right now. It hurts.

I wonder sometimes what Paul’s thorn was. If his thorn was his past and judgement. If he prayed for people to see Christ in him. Trying to let go of his past. Maybe it was an illness, I don’t know what the thorn was. Judgement hurts.

We know that this is God’s plan for us and a stranger reminded us to not give up. Later that day we were invited to a party. We were able to tell our testimony and it helped others. God is amazing.

Whenever in life I question my journey, God delivers answers . Sometimes He answers in silence, and I wait. Sometimes the answer like this day was loudly clear just keep going you are on the right track.

Prayer for today: Thank you Lord for the amazing journey you give us. What a ride following you. Thank you for the Holy Spirit, your amazing son, and being an awesome Father. I love you tremendously.