Encouragement through the power of the Spirit

Month: November 2016

Peace

My word for 2016 was peace. I wanted desperately for God to show me how to have the solid peace that is promised in the bible.  I prayed for God to take away the day to day highs and lows, the volatility of my emotions.

God had to break down my  idols. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to follow God, but  wanted people’s  approval of me  more than God.

I wanted a husband. I thought a husband would fix my worry about the future. I wouldn’t be alone. I was scared to face a future of uncertainty.

I was broken. Searching for what I thought would bring me peace.

God has a way of teaching me the hard way. Stubbornness has brought me resilience.  Stubbornness has also given me more hard  lessons than I care to admit.

I was more concerned about being liked, than what God was asking me to do. God’s timing and his ways usually don’t align with human logic or acceptance. I thought that when God called me into a ministry, his ways would be obvious. I was wrong.

When you feel like people are watching for God in you, and you don’t even have a clue, it’s hard. Hard to lead from the pit.

The pit of rawness drew me closer to God. I was in the pit of desperation. I was worn, trying to fix my problems, worn out from  dating, tired of loosing people,  fighting to get through just one more day,  wanting more and not knowing how to get it, listening to others while I was dying inside, tired of smiling, tired of crying, TIRED.

Far from peace. Peace seemed so elusive.

But God. God let me come to the end of myself. I laid down my life. I fasted and prayed. I didn’t care if I ever got a husband, didn’t care if people liked my choices, didn’t care unless it was God’s way.

God showed up. He took away my idols. He brought me  peace. I wanted a relationship with him more than anything. I didn’t  care what it looked like on the outside.

I was finally given peace.

By the way God did bring a husband into my life. I am extremely thankful for him and my marriage. I do not look to my husband for peace, only God can give me that.  No-one can fill a void that God was designed to fill. God dictates my future.

I am so thankful to God for the gift of peace. I wouldn’t want to go through this year again. The pit was hard.

I encourage you to look inward at what idols you may have. Lay your idols at the cross. Peace is worth the journey.

Further reading: Philippians 4

 

 

I’m an idiot.

I am an idiot, that is what I keep getting when I pray. I am an angry idiot at best. I don’t understand. I’m shocked.

We had a death in the family. I miss her. I’m mad and praying. Crying out to God. Why?

I’m frustrated my family has been through enough. I can relate to Job. I can see God’s hand in some of the process of  restoration. BUT right now it feels like God is kicking my family while they are down. I’m confused.

God gently reminds me, for lack of a better term. I’m an idiot!

He is a loving God even when it doesn’t feel loving. It is prideful to think I know better. Bitterness sets in when I want my future to be different from what he has dictated. I am grieving but I can choose to lean into God for comfort or curse him for the life I didn’t want.

Love is always a choice.

I am learning to lean. I have read Psalm 139 and meditated on those truths. I realize all that I don’t know. What a loving God to gently direct me back from pride and to guide me in the process of leaning into him with trust.

I don’t like that my family is hurting. I don’t like not seeing people on earth again. I hate it actually.

I do love God even in the pain.

Prayer for today:

Thank you Lord, for the gentle reminder of how sovereign you are. Your ways are not my ways for they are higher than anything I can understand. Please help me learn to trust in you and not myself. Please give peace and comfort to those that are grieving today. In Jesus name Amen.