I have lost many earthly identities this year.

Wife

My youngest child finished high school.

Mom of a school aged child, gone.

This made me pause and wonder where the time went.

My kids grew up so fast, gone into adulthood.

My husband’s cancer took him into eternity, way too soon.

Time is a commodity.

Psalm 103: 15 -17, Reminds us of the shortness of life.

  “As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, And its place acknowledges it no longer. But the loving kindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children…”

 God’s time is eternal. We may have a limited amount on earth, but we are gaining time in our eternal home.

Looking at my earthly life through the lenses of eternity, most of life is trivial. My earthly identities might have changed this year. My Godly identity hasn’t nor will God’s love for me ever change.

I have wrapped my identity into my job, kids, husband, church, into my works. Works are important for advancing the kingdom but with works sometimes comes pride.

No matter what title I may carry, my identity is the same.

I need to be reminded God loves every person.

People either have an identity in Christ or they are lost.

How do I love someone today? What am I doing to help someone gain more time in heaven? Am I content with just focusing on earthly time and busyness, missing kingdom opportunities?

Do I love the lost?

As Christians we are called to love. We are called to be lights in the darkness.  What if we use our job as a mission field by being different, demonstrating the fruits of the spirit, if we raise our children with Christ’s love, demonstrating the walk, if we love our partners, the way Christ loved us, if we tip extra, practice patience in lines, smile, have a joyful spirit…

 Our actions in love speak volumes to non believers.

Time is such a commodity and the choice is ours in how we use it.

Prayer for today:

Thank you Lord for the gift of time. Keep me focused on your love showing others the love you have for us. Please don’t let me get bogged down with daily demands. I  don’t want to be too busy to realize who you are and what my time should be used for. In Jesus name, Amen.

Isn’t  new love fun?

New love has the thrill of learning about someone. Thoughts tend to be upbeat and joyful.

Then the newness fades infatuation turns into infuriation.

The enduring quirks fade into annoying habits.

The mind goes from always wanting to know more about a loved one to I can’t deal with another day.

The mind replays the annoyance.

 Love is sometimes hard.

I am so glad Jesus’ infatuation with me has never changed. The newness has never worn off. My annoying habits are dealt with kindness and patience not conquered through argumentative battles.

1 Corinthians 13:4 is often read at wedding:

” Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not             selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. “

While all of the above are so important in a healthy relationship, I know for me it starts in my mind.

Love is a choice.

God commanded us to dwell on excellence.

Philippians 4: 8-9

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable–if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise–dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you. “

Frustrations mount when I dwell on the negative instead of searching for excellence.

The last perfect human that walked the earth was crucified.

I want grace from others. I am not perfect. My annoying habits are just as much as a rub for others as the habits I find difficult.  Grace extends from the mind.

Love starts from a decision to extend grace,  walk humbly,  and believe with concentrated  focus on the lovely excellence of another. When we extend grace we gain peace. Negativity generates chaos. Dwelling on the positive produces optimism with peace.

Prayer for today:

Please Lord let me remember how much grace, patience, and love you have given me. Please equip me to do the same for all of your children. My partner, child, co-worker, and boss are all yours. Let me dwell in the positive attributes and not look for the negatives. I want to love like you. In Jesus name, Amen.

 I recently cleaned my kitchen.  My deceased husband was a chef and  hoarded. I have boxed two full sets of kitchen ware for my sons.  I kept a full set and some of my favorite pieces. I was surprised how much was stuffed into such a small space. I haven’t cooked in years. The trouble of having items fall out of cabinets, moving pots and pans to find the perfect pan, or buying new stuff because I couldn’t find the stuff I had. My kitchen was a crammed mess.

  The clutter made me pause.

 How much negativity is stuffed in my head right now?

 What are my thoughts?

 I know I have been concentrating on many distracting views.

Worry

Stress

Control

Pride

 My focus should be simple, Jesus.

 I love how Jesus was relaxed. He didn’t stress. He kept his life simple. He was focused on God.

Jesus sometimes went away to recharge and connect  with God.

He didn’t allow the world’s demands to get in the way of his relationship with God.

 I need simplicity.

 I need to run to my Father instead running after my own way.

I actually asked God  to give me direction for one day. He responded with requests. My day was productive. I wasn’t stressed.  My focus shifted from myself to serving my Father.

I want to grow more like Jesus. He trusted Abba.

He relaxed.

 He was joyful in doing God’s requests.

I never have heard of Jesus fretting. He trusted.

I have made life harder than it has to be.  I have in arrogance wanted control. I have worried, not trusting my Father.

I want to keep it simple.

My kitchen is easier to cook in without the clutter. I needed to  make room to be productive.  Most of the clutter was great stuff just way too much.

Stress can come from great accomplishments or from hardships. I sometimes need to get away and  recharge.

I need to clear my mind to think, worship, and respond.

God knows me. He promised to never leave me.

I don’t need the negativity or stress.

I need to focus on his promises.  I need to serve my God.  I need to press  forward.  God knows more than I can ever comprehend. Why would I be arrogant,  stressed, worried, and controlling? God made me before the earth was formed. He probably can handle any problem that I have or will have.

Jesus relaxed in a relationship with his Dad. I want the same.

My prayer for today:

Please God help me lean into you. I want to relax in your peace. Please renew my mind. I am humbled. I need you.

Thank you for your love and grace.

I have always been confused by the trinity. The Holy Spirit sounded so far removed from what my brain could handle. The three being one was a hard and is a hard concept for me  to grasp. I came to terms with the trinity in my own simple way. God is my father, Jesus is my advocate, and the Holy Spirit is my teacher all three working in and being  together as one. I try to explain this week about the Holy Spirit.  If I am convicted of a sin with a desire to change that is the Holy Spirit. If I am stuck in shame that is Satan. I know I have embraced shame and stayed where I shouldn’t have been way too long.  I love how God provides an awesome teacher in the Holy Spirit allowing repentance and change. God is Good.

John 16:13

“When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak whatever He hears. He will also declare to you what is to come.”

The Holy Spirit guides our walk with God. The Holy Spirit also abides in God. We as Christians are equipped with the Holy Spirit in us and teaching us, in our daily walk with God.

1 Corinthians 2: 10-16

 “ 10 Now God has revealed these things by the spirit, for the spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. 11 For whom among men know the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man that is in him? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have not received the spirit of the world, but the spirit who comes from God, so that we may understand what has been freely given to us  by God. 13 We also speak these things, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual things to spiritual people.

14 But the unbeliever does not welcome what comes from God’s spirit, because it is foolishness to him; he is not able to understand it since it is evaluated spiritually. 15 The spiritual person however can evaluate everything, yet he himself cannot be evaluated by anyone. 16 For who has the Lord’s mind, that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.”

Wow, God gives us wisdom delivered by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit searches everything, and even knows the depths of God. We don’t have the spirit of the world but the Spirit of God living in us. God gives us the gift of the Holy Spirit when we accept Christ as our savior. So, if we are listening to the spirit of the world, we are listening to Satan.

 2 Corinthians 4:4 “Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.”

We have been given a mind like Christ separated from the world. We need to learn that as Christians we are eternal insurgents living in a temporary world. We eventually get to go  back to our Heavenly home. 

This worldly home burns up in the end.

 Knowing we are here for a short time, living with eternity in mind we are less likely to place our value in the world. When we focus on the world expectations instead of living in grace, we live in shame.

Again, shame is Satan’s friend. It’s in his toolbox. Shame leaves us stuck in the past, stuck. Sometimes we  replay what someone said that we now believe as truth.  We  are stuck thinking how someone treated us was right; or even stuck knowing how they treated us wrong.

Not able to forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t given, anger becomes our comforting friend.

We are STUCK!

We choose to live in shame instead of listening to the Holy Spirit.

Why would we allow shame to take a hold of our lives?

Shame is secretive and we have all tried to cover it up, compensate for it, and push past it.

What if we renew our minds?

Bring the nasty shame out in the open?

Forgive others and maybe ourselves?

What if we  live in love for Christ allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us?

What if every Christian denounced the shame, generational lies and sins of the past, and forgave themselves and others? What if every Christian lived knowing God on a personal level?

What if every Christian loved like Christ?

The world would be different.

Satan knows this. Shame keeps us stuck. The Holy Spirit keeps us moving forward.

My prayer  today: Please Lord let me understand the Holy spirit, give me wisdom and discernment. Please let me forgive those who need forgiveness, even if that person is me. I need you God. I can’t live in the shackles of shame. Please allow me to live my life guided by your gift of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

Ecclesiastes 2:14

The wise man has eyes in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. Yet I also knew that one fate comes to them both.”

The whole scope of life comes down to heaven or hell. We are souls and for believers in Christ our citizenship is in heaven. Satan knows this better than we give him credit for. Why then are we to believe that Satan would not want to be involved in our personal relationships. We spend the most time and are influenced by our spouses. We should walk in light not darkness.

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

 2 Corinthians 11:13 And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

 Satan has a plan for each of us.  We must seek God first and pray for discernment. Many men can masquerade as Christians and not be, even Satan knows the bible. Look for fruits of the spirit, over time. Anyone can fake love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control but not for an extended amount of time. The earthly qualities of a man may all be their but if he isn’t a Christian or he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ, move on. How tempting is it to think he will change and believe. Satan is cunning and the father of lies. Dating an unbeliever is straying from God’s plan and falling into Satan’s plan for your life.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

2 Corinthians 4:4 In their case, the god of this age (Satan) has blinded the minds of the unbelievers so they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Satan blinds unbelievers to not see the gospel, and while it is true that every one of us were blind at one point in time. God is clear not to marry an unbeliever. The person may come to God and become a believer but God will give you the right person at the right time and if the man doesn’t believe right now he isn’t for you.

Prayer for today:

Lord please let me trust your process in bringing me a man of God. I trust your timing and wanting to be equally yoked. Allow me to have discernment in dating and to not let Satan distract me from a partner that you would give me. In Jesus name, Amen

Shame, I have felt it. Have you? The pains of knowing I could have, should have, wish I could go back and change it behavior. If I allow it shame will consume me. I will always look to the past and wish for a better future. Shame is a waste of time.

Conviction is beneficial. Conviction allows me to admit my mistake, take the actions to change the behavior, and move forward.

When I am ashamed, I think of Peter. He told Jesus I would die for you. I would never betray you. He sounded like a really bad love song. A little girl scared Peter enough for him to deny Christ, a child. He wasn’t as strong as he thought he was.  He did however years later  according to historians die for Christ.

We are all a work in progress. If we allow shame to take a hold of our soul,  we are stuck in the past. We are stuck in the could of, should of, would of done differently world. It is a sad and lonely world.

Jesus, went to Peter; I think to clear the shame. Peter had denied Christ three times, when Christ could have used a friend, Peter was denying him. Peter, I am sure felt tremendous guilt over his actions. Jesus, wasn’t angry that his friend had left him and denied knowing him.  Jesus didn’t leave Peter, behind and move on. Jesus approached his friend in love. Jesus’ love for us is unconditional. Jesus, asked Peter, three times, “Do you love me?”

Each time Peter, replied, “Yes, Lord,  you know I do”.

The first response Jesus gave was, “Feed my lambs”.

The second request, “Shepherd, my sheep” and the third, “Feed, my sheep”.

I love this, Jesus didn’t lecture Peter on his sin.  He addressed Peter’s sin with love. Jesus pointed to action; he didn’t want Peter living in the past.  Feed my lambs, we all start somewhere even as babies in Christ, Shepherd my sheep growing a little more, feed my sheep, more mature with refinement. Jesus knew Peter wouldn’t start out feeding sheep. Peter would start with feeding lambs, then being a Shepherd, moving into feeding sheep.

Jesus loved with conviction. He always loved and corrected while pointing us to the father.

Living in shame is selfish because it points inward to the person with the shame instead of pointing outward living life for God. We were never intended to live under condemnation. Today if shame is at the root of your soul, please leave it at the cross.

Do you love Jesus? Feed the lambs.

Do you love Jesus? Shepherd the sheep.

Do you love Jesus? Feed the sheep.

Psalm 103:12 “As far as the East is from the West, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

 Jesus took all sins to the cross; he wants us to live a life in abundance for him.  My prayer today is for peace, to be able to leave the pain and shame behind, and to move into a beautiful position of Christ’s Shepherd.

My son and I were recently talking about Abraham. He had no idea that Abraham was disobedient to God and the consequences of his actions.  He had only heard of Abraham’s successes. He had placed biblical characters on a pedestal separated to do God’s work. We then discussed other biblical characters and some their acts of disobedience. He was amazed that they were not more Godly. We have only had one perfect person that walked the earth, but I think most of us place the biblical characters at arms length. We make them bigger than life without flaws to make our life with God small. David could make a present day politician seem like g rated movie. Noah was a drunk. Moses was a murderer. The list goes on and yet we only celebrate the successes of the characters and fail to look at the back-story or failures.  Each of the biblical characters had to step out in faith with action. I think taking a first step in faith with illogical obedience is scary. I know for me when I don’t see the next step of God’s plan; I think God really isn’t calling me. I tell myself if he wanted me to do this he would lay out the plan before me.  I could just do the steps. Many times in the bible all of the steps were not clear for the characters. The first step is clear, mistakenly clear, scary clear, like really God you want me to do that clear. The second step is not clear most of the time. I find when I am faced with taking a step; I don’t want to look to the bible. I don’t want to find the numerous stories of faithful people flawed just like me, my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t want to see them as human. I don’t want to see their struggles. I don’t want to relate because if I do then I am compelled to live fully for God. I would rather look at the successes as a whole because for me the whole story isn’t that relatable. If I break down the story to the one-first step, I then know I too have to step out in faith. God will direct your path but the path must start. I don’t know what you are struggling with today. If God has laid a first step on your heart, I would ask you to pray about the step, ask for clarification and if the answer is go then my prayer is to have the faith to take the first scary, wonderful, awesome, and magnificent step into a full walk with God

Nehemiah 6:3

“So I sent my messengers to them saying, “ I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work cease while I leave it and come down to you?”

How many times have I stopped my work and came down.  I want a heart like Nehemiah.  I don’t want to be distracted   stopping my kingdom work. Nehemiah prayed for God’s guidance. He had heard troubling news that his homeland was in shambles. God answered his prayer by having him go to his king and ask for a release from his position with funding to go back to repair his town.  Released with funding two big requests, I have never asked a boss while I was quitting my position to fund my next project. He sought God and followed through with his work, even under direst. He was rebuilding and repairing a wall when he came under enemy fire. He armed his laborers and continued the work. He didn’t stop when the work became hard. When the enemy fire didn’t work, the enemies wanted to talk to Nehemiah. The enemy tried to lure Nehemiah away to kill him. He didn’t go and he didn’t come down to their level.   Why should his work cease to come down to someone? Why should our work cease to come down to someone? Why should our work stop because it becomes hard?  Why should our work stop when it takes numerous attempts with baby steps instead of one giant leap to success? Nehemiah continued his calling even when by the world’s standards he should have quit. Paul encourages us in Philippians 3:12- 14

Not that I have already reached the goal or am already mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, 14 I pursue as my goal the prized promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

Paul said it best. The goal isn’t easy. We are never fully mature always evolving, BUT we press forward anyway. I want a heart that presses forward even when it would be easier to quit. I want to seek God’s calling on my life.

My prayer for today:

Please God allow me to walk humbly with you, to passionately live for you. Please do not allow me to come down from a great work and be distracted. Please prepare me for the work that needs to be done and give me a heart with trust, endurance, and faith with action like Nehemiah and Paul. Amen

1 Samuel 2: 1-2

Hannah prayed.

My heart rejoices in the Lord,

My horn is lifted up by the Lord.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

Because I rejoice in Your salvation.

There is no one besides You!

And there is no rock like our God.

This prayer came from a woman that just gave her child to a priest to raise. Samuel, the child she had prayed to be able to conceive with the promise to give her child to God. Hannah had been tormented, made fun of, ridiculed, and mocked because she was barren.

I don’t know how many times I have been angry because of my child’s death. How could a loving God let cancer strike my baby? She died before her third birthday. She was my only daughter and I miss her. I missed her first day of kindergarten, princess outfits, being sassy as a teenager, and now maybe college trips. I miss being a mom to a daughter. I hated God for years for taking that joy away. I look at Hannah who couldn’t have children for many years and gave her first child away to God. What strength, courage, faith, she must have had or maybe she prayed for those traits as well. I know I would need prayer for strength to follow through on my promise, courage to stand firm, and faith to know God will make it right.  I want that kind of faith. I wasn’t a Christian when my daughter was sick or even when she died. In fact I didn’t become a Christian until many years after her death. I had to make peace with God and let the anger go. This is what helped me; children are gifts from God, (Psalm 127:3).

My main comfort came from:

Psalm 139.16-17

Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. God how difficult Your thoughts for me to comprehend how vast their sum is.

God knows us intimately and loves us. He knows all of our days before we began. I am not God and do not comprehend all of his ways. I miss my daughter. I don’t understand the loss. I do understand she was a gift from God.  I have a great deal of sympathy for parents, whose children’s lives didn’t quite turn out the way they dreamt of.  Maybe their child has strayed, or is no longer here on earth; maybe a child has answered a call to serve across the world and their heart longs to see them. Giving up control and releasing our children is never an easy task. My hope and prayer would be for comfort.  I have peace knowing God gave Hannah strength, courage, and faith. God can enable us to keep living in strength and to have faith that his ways, are still his ways. I am going to lay down the struggle to comprehend and release what isn’t mine to grasp. Praying for you to have some peace today even when the answers are not easy to understand.

Ezra 9:3 When I heard this report, I tore my tunic and robe, pulled out some of the hair from my head and beard, and sat down devastated.

Isn’t there always a time when life as we know it stops and what we once knew as normal is no longer our normal and a new normal must be formed?  Those are defining moments and one can often remember where they were when it happened. When my  first husband came home and announced that he no longer wanted to be married. He didn’t want to be a husband anymore.  I remember that day clearly. I was  in bed and he came in and announced  he was done being married. I should call my sister in a different state and see if she could help because he needed alone time. He would allow me to have time to get my things in order and not kick me out, but he was done. When my second spouse died, I remember that day also. The doctor had just left the room and he quit breathing. I had to lift the cover back and look at his chest  to see if there was movement because I wasn’t sure, he was so peaceful. He had fought cancer for five years.  This was devastating, shocking, and painful, how can someone I love be gone? Where is God in this horrible pain? The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8  If we cling to God knowing he has something better for us with  faith in the future we won’t go down into the pit of despair. He never promised life to be easy, in fact just the opposite.  1 Peter 4:12,  Dear Friends, do not be surprised when the fiery ordeal comes among you to test you as if something unusual were happening to you.  At the time it feels like we are the only ones going through the trial. Friends leave because they don’t know what to say.  Where is the help, encouragement, strength? It comes from God in the darkest places he is there, when there is no hope, just wait and see there is a testimony in the making. God gives a peace that surpasses understanding. (Philippians 4:7) The shock fades into action. We soon embrace our new normal and start again. Know God has plans for you. For I know the plans I have for you “—this the Lord’s declaration—’plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11   I don’t know what you are going through today but as Christians we have hope and faith in new beginnings. My prayer is for hope to spring forth in faith with action. May the God of peace be with you.