I never thought of myself as materialistic person until now. I like making a house a home by decorating or nesting. I have memories tied to everything I own. I recently moved with a suitcase. I left everything at my house including my dogs with my son who is home from college to embark on a new adventure. I miss my stuff. I miss my cookware, my dogs, my bed, my memories tied to stuff. I am ashamed of how attached to my stuff that I am.

I have wasted joy  missing my home.

I wonder if Jesus asked me to sell all I have and give it away to the poor, how I would handle that request.

Mark 10:21

Then, looking at him, Jesus loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.”

The man didn’t do it.  He chose his stuff over Christ. I have always judged because if someone asked or needed something of mine I would give it away no question, but now I am pausing.

I miss my stuff. I know I will get my stuff back by the end of the summer. I miss making a house into a home. I feel like a visitor in my surroundings right now. I am embarrassed by how I feel. It is just stuff.

I have a new respect for missionaries. I wonder if they ever feel at home. I also wonder if God made them different. Paul was able to stay single, but he encouraged others if they needed to be married to be married. I know being married requires more work with attention than when I was single, but my personality needs to be married. My heart longs for that. Maybe just maybe nesting is a way of being hospitable to others. I don’t know the real answer. I do know stuff all burns up in the end and if I don’t use what ever God has given me for him, it is worthless.

I want to serve. I want to follow. I would like to think that I could leave everything and serve, but this experience has made me pause.

I have a new respect for all of the disciples. They left everything behind to be obedient.  God has called me to this new adventure and I was obedient. I wonder if the disciples ever missed their previous lives. I don’t know. I do know I wouldn’t trade my life now for my previous life. I wouldn’t want to not be obedient. I have been lost for 36 years of my life and to be in Christ is gain. I guess I have answered my own quandary, I would choose Christ over stuff and it is okay to be homesick. Ultimately I want to be homesick for my eternal home with my focus away from the worldly possessions.

Prayer for today: Please God let me focus on the task at hand being grateful for all that I have been given. Give me peace about the worldly possessions and use me for your good not my own. In Jesus name, Amen.