I’m impatient. God’s timing sometimes frustrates me, which is prideful. Like I know better than God on his timing.

I have so many memories in the house I am in. I packed everything hoping to move by February 2016 . I  am now here until maybe January of next year. So I unpacked my house, nested made it my own. I also decided to enjoy my stay and not concentrate so much on a move in the future. I have started living.

I have been dating. Dating as a woman in her forties who really has never dated before is challenging. I hate it. I just want a list of the baggage and a list of the strengths. A simple checklist would be wonderful and time saving. The hurt, expectations, the excitement, and nerves are sometimes too much. What if I give this over to God as well? Instead of hating the process.  I know when I do marry again. I will appreciate my gift of a husband so much more after this season in my life. But for now I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can eat scrambled eggs for dinner. I can help others without the guilt of taking time away from a spouse. I can live now and not focus on the future.

I wonder how many times I have robbed my joy from concentrating on the future. I know when I lived in an apartment I wanted my own home. Now I reminisce on how easy it was to call a landlord. How many times I worried over money and bills, but each time money was tight worry didn’t help and the bills eventually  got paid.

I think when Paul said he could be content in all things, he lived in the moment concentrating not on the future but leaning into God for comfort, joy, direction….

God was Paul’s everything. I need to emulate that. I need to run to God for comfort not searching for the next best thing on earth. I need to know my heavenly Father knows my needs and wants, he knows me. I can have joy knowing that his will not my own is the best for me.

Philippians 4:11-13

“11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”