How I met Jesus

Since this the month of November, I am posting what I am thankful for. The biggest blessing in my life has to be accepting Christ as my savior.  The story is long and painful on how I came to know Christ. I want to share in case it helps someone gain perspective. My childhood was not ideal to say the least. My mother was ill when I was young before I was five she was diagnosed with MS. She was in and out of hospitals and I was bounced around from one home to another. By the time I was a teenager she was addicted to painkillers and had tried to end her life at least once. She was diagnosed with cancer and died when I was nineteen. My father was a minister but didn’t practice what he preached. The hypocrisy and the secrecy of my family life, which I equated to God, were too much. Too much negativity, judgment, covering up, just too much. I was confused most Sunday’s I could spot the fakers just like me but the real Christians I couldn’t relate to. I couldn’t figure out how they could fake happiness and peace so well.

I was sexually abused as a child. The secret of my mom’s drug habit and my dad’s hypocrisy was expected even demanded to be covered and not talked about, but my sexual abuse was for all to know. My mother talked about it often to others, all the while telling me how dirty I was for being sexually abused. I hated God and Christians, all where lumped into a group, which I wanted nothing to do with.  I grew up and ran from the church. I even wanted to protect my children from the evils of Christians.

It wasn’t until my mid thirties did I realize my drug of choice was food. I loved chaos. I was living with a spouse who talked to me like my parents did. I needed help. I ended up through a series of events going into a church.

  I finally met Jesus. Not the Jesus I learned about as a child, the Jesus I met was strong, patient, kind, merciful, seeker of justice, most important loving. I met love for the first time. The loving part was tough, I had held onto so dearly lies claimed as truth for myself.  Jesus was kind enough had enough mercy on me to have me release all of the lies.

I’m not good enough. – Truth is no one is good enough that is why there is grace.

I’m dirty. – We all are, his blood makes us white as snow.

I have bad genetics. – We can denounce generational sins.

I am not lovable. – Even if it were just me, he would have gone to the cross.

I laid my shame down. I breathed for the very first time. All of the weight of the lies, pride, independence, and the judgment came off.

I beg you if you are a Christian love the unlovable. Show mercy and grace.

I always watched Christians in my profession, which is the restaurant business. Christians usually tipped the worst and as a manager were the worst to deal with so demanding and rude dressed up in their church clothes.  I think of how many opportunities I had with Christians before I met Jesus. I wonder if Jesus would recognize some of the Christians as Christ followers. I am not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes. I am trying to make the point that every interaction leaves a person seeing Christ or not. I have been hurt by the church and Christians. I have hurt the Church and Christians for that I am sorry. I don’t follow people, I follow Christ, but before I followed Christ all I knew were his followers. I try to remember my life before Christ, I was so unlovable. I was hurt and hurt others.    I am thankful for the people who were lights for me in the darkness even when I was unlovable. My challenge for you and myself is how are you influencing others today? Show Love, Mercy, and Grace, someone’s life might change, they could meet Christ’s love which sets us free.