As I sit here looking at shoes, my husband’s and step-daughters an overwhelming feeling of joy washes over me, this is my life. I didn’t imagine it this way but I had hoped and prayed for God to use me. Two pairs of shoes hardly a ministry in the minds of some but I disagree. God called me here. Another feeling of sadness washes over me, it is Memorial day and the once family that I am now a part of is missing such a vital vibrant piece. I pray for the extended family and my new family today. The day will be tough. My husband will have tears with a mixture of happiness. I will think of my deceased spouse, child, and others. I think of all the military families having a new normal because someone so precious is no longer here on earth. My mind jumps to organ donors and if the recipient’s family ever feel a mixture of joy for their life with sadness of the life lost. I pause and take the room in, toys are scattered everywhere, a wedding picture of my husband with his deceased wife still hangs and will hang on the wall, a picture that his grandfather painted, family photos, and my families shoes. This is my life that God has asked me to serve in.

Let me explain I was widowed and dating for a while. I  prayed for God to use me, if God  wanted me to stay single, I was ok with that just use me, if God wanted me to marry make that abundantly clear. I prayed if I was to marry the qualities I wanted in a man. I had a list. I struggled with having so many options in front of me and not knowing which to take.

I was single my kids were old enough that I could move. I wasn’t tied down to any plan and I wanted my option to be obedient to God’s calling on my life. Many days I cried out to God for guidance.  I was frustrated and then I made plans. God’s silence and his timing were not lining up with what I could comprehend.  I was content with my life and my plans.

Proverbs 16:9

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”

My heart was to be determined to be content, with life, to plan my steps, but to let God interrupt the process.

He did.

God asked me to serve him in this marriage. He asked my husband to love me because I had never been loved before as Christ loved the church. God made it abundantly clear his steps for our life together.

Here is my encouragement for you today. If your job is a never ending pile of laundry with toys being picked up constantly, if you have to eat fast food just to get a moment with a child running in the play area, and you feel that two pairs of shoes isn’t much of a ministry, I disagree. It is a ministry that will impact others more than you will ever know.

My husband’s deceased wife left a huge hole in many people’s lives, she loved God, and ran her race well. God uses Mothers, Wives, Sisters, and Mentors everyday. He uses us  in homes or at work, when a younger person needs a mentor.

He  uses us in the mundane. The mundane most days is the beautiful testimony unfolding because everyday can’t be a burning bush type of day. Diligent obedience, running our race, seeking his face, is in the everyday stuff of life.

My hope for you today is to see God working in the laundry, or at the job, or around the teenager needing new tires, or the three year old screaming about life not being fair, the list goes on but God is using you. He loves you and has great plans for you. I have no idea how many lives my  family will impact for God but I know my role and my place for God.

My prayer for you today is for God to direct your steps as well.

I never thought of myself as materialistic person until now. I like making a house a home by decorating or nesting. I have memories tied to everything I own. I recently moved with a suitcase. I left everything at my house including my dogs with my son who is home from college to embark on a new adventure. I miss my stuff. I miss my cookware, my dogs, my bed, my memories tied to stuff. I am ashamed of how attached to my stuff that I am.

I have wasted joy  missing my home.

I wonder if Jesus asked me to sell all I have and give it away to the poor, how I would handle that request.

Mark 10:21

Then, looking at him, Jesus loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.”

The man didn’t do it.  He chose his stuff over Christ. I have always judged because if someone asked or needed something of mine I would give it away no question, but now I am pausing.

I miss my stuff. I know I will get my stuff back by the end of the summer. I miss making a house into a home. I feel like a visitor in my surroundings right now. I am embarrassed by how I feel. It is just stuff.

I have a new respect for missionaries. I wonder if they ever feel at home. I also wonder if God made them different. Paul was able to stay single, but he encouraged others if they needed to be married to be married. I know being married requires more work with attention than when I was single, but my personality needs to be married. My heart longs for that. Maybe just maybe nesting is a way of being hospitable to others. I don’t know the real answer. I do know stuff all burns up in the end and if I don’t use what ever God has given me for him, it is worthless.

I want to serve. I want to follow. I would like to think that I could leave everything and serve, but this experience has made me pause.

I have a new respect for all of the disciples. They left everything behind to be obedient.  God has called me to this new adventure and I was obedient. I wonder if the disciples ever missed their previous lives. I don’t know. I do know I wouldn’t trade my life now for my previous life. I wouldn’t want to not be obedient. I have been lost for 36 years of my life and to be in Christ is gain. I guess I have answered my own quandary, I would choose Christ over stuff and it is okay to be homesick. Ultimately I want to be homesick for my eternal home with my focus away from the worldly possessions.

Prayer for today: Please God let me focus on the task at hand being grateful for all that I have been given. Give me peace about the worldly possessions and use me for your good not my own. In Jesus name, Amen.

“Whoever conceals an offense promotes love,
but whoever gossips about it separates friends.”

Proverbs 17:9

I started writing out scripture after watching the War Room.

My prayer “closet” is a bulletin board of post it notes across from my toilet. Each post it note contains a scripture that I read and pray for a certain person in my life.

I have noticed as I pray for change, my heart changes. I am convicted.

I have gossiped and judged. I still do. I need to stop and promote love. Only God can change and convict, it isn’t my job. I can speak directly to a person with a kind and gentle spirit, but talking to someone else doesn’t help. In fact it hurts, gossip hurts if the person being gossiped about hears it indirectly. Gossip also justifies pride.

Directly talking to the person in a kind and gentle way gains perspective. Perspective gains knowledge of knowing the other side of a situation which promotes love.

Prayer for today:

Lord please help me love like you. You have concealed so many of my offenses. Thank you for the Holy Spirit with conviction changing my heart in a gentle and kind way. Please let me emulate your way not mine.

Further Reading: Galatians 6: 1-10

When major life change happens it is hard to understand why it happens to us.

Why me?  This is crass but I often look around and say to myself it could be worse to soften the blow of the pain. At least I don’t have it as bad as so and so. Horrible thought process.

I am reminded of Jesus and how much of a sacrifice he made.

He was in Heaven. The greatest place far more than my mind can ever comprehend and he came down to earth to serve and die.

When Adam was formed Jesus’s fate was sealed.

Why then if our creator left the most high to come to earth, serve eventually giving his life, giving us eternal life, do we fix our eyes on the temporary pain of this earth?

Pain hurts.

Philippians  2: 5-11  states that Jesus humbled himself and was obedient, because of his actions God exalted him.

Life changes can be a learning experience.

Psalm 66:10-12

” For You, God, tested us; You refined us as silver is refined. You lured us into a trap; You placed burden on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us out to abundance.”

So if we humble ourselves, look for God’s refinement, at the proper time he will bring us into abundance. I am not insinuating the blab it and grab type of religion. Abundance can mean wisdom, or something else that God sees fit. Every good thing comes from our Heavenly Father meant to glorify him. We are the stewards.

James 1:2-4

 ^“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “

We can have joy because joy is rooted in hope. We have hope in our eternal life, a testimony in the trial, faith that all things work for good for those that love the Lord, knowing God is close to the broken hearted, and in the end if we are humble and pass the trial we will be exalted at the proper time.

If the attitude of Christ was service and being humble, I want the same.

Prayer for today:

Thank you Lord for your Son and what a great example we have. Let us be a servant to you persevering through the trials of life, knowing this life is temporary and the pain won’t last. We have joy and hope. In Jesus name, amen.

I was standing waiting on food, at a fast food place. I won’t mention the name but I hate their food but the play area is the favorite spot. Anyone knows that a three year old and a great play area has priority at any given time. So I am waiting, my husband has already secured a spot and is watching her play. I feel eyes staring at me and turn around make eye contact and give a half hearted smile. I don’t know this man. I quickly turn back around to avoid eye contact or conversation. I just want my crappy food and some conversation with my husband.  I get my food and join my family. At the end of the meal I leave the play area and I am back at the counter, dessert is the only redeeming factor to this meal. The man approaches. I want to leave but I’m stuck.

” Read John 14. ”

I thank him and told him I would. I was surprised. Did he wait for me to leave the play area? John 14?  I couldn’t recall what the chapter was about.

“You look stressed. I can see it all over you. Read the whole chapter but pay attention to verse 12. God told me to tell you this.”

I thank him again and promised I would read it.

I waited for my dessert. When I joined my husband, the man was telling him the same thing. He then left.

We sat there looking at our phones reading.

John 14:12

“I assure you: The one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.”

We read the whole chapter, verse 22 stuck out to us.

We are and have been seeking God’s face but it is complicated. We are both widowed and people are hurting around us. God moved this relationship fast and was clear but other’s are concerned to the point of disowning or not communicating right now. It hurts.

I wonder sometimes what Paul’s thorn was. If his thorn was his past and judgement. If he prayed for people to see Christ in him. Trying to let go of his past. Maybe it was an illness, I don’t know what the thorn was. Judgement hurts.

We know that this is God’s plan for us and a stranger reminded us to not give up. Later that day we were invited to a party. We were able to tell our testimony and it helped others. God is amazing.

Whenever in life I question my journey, God delivers answers . Sometimes He answers in silence, and I wait. Sometimes the answer like this day was loudly clear just keep going you are on the right track.

Prayer for today: Thank you Lord for the amazing journey you give us. What a ride following you. Thank you for the Holy Spirit, your amazing son, and being an awesome Father. I love you tremendously.

It is  hard to love others sometimes. Christ had unconditional love for us, agape love. I have an easy time loving others when they love me back but to love the unlovable is a hard task that is fought with determination and intention.

Matthew 5:43-48

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

It is so easy to be offended, to hold onto the past capturing the hurt and reliving the past. Unforgiveness rooted in justification is pride.

Phillippians 2:5

“Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus.”

When I am highly offended, I contemplate why I am offended. I have noticed in myself I am offended the most on things that I need to work on in my own life.

I will read Matthew 7:1-6

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

⁶ “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

If I see things I don’t like in myself which  is usually the case I need to work on myself before trying to fix the same problem in someone else.

But if I am offended and have been wronged. I think of Peter. Peter called himself the one that Jesus loved. Brazen if it wasn’t true. Jesus and him were close. Peter denied Christ not once but three times when Jesus could have wanted him there. Peter ran and denied knowing him.

Jesus restored Peter. He didn’t live in the past. He didn’t tell all the other disciples what a punk Peter had been. He went to Peter directly and restored the relationship.

Pride is Satan’s way of justifying anger, resentment, and unforgiveness. Jesus never wanted that pain for us. He offers hope, restoration, and forgiveness. We are called to have relationships with agape love and really in the end agape love brings peace.

Prayer for today:

Please Lord let me love like you even when it is hard. In Jesus name, Amen

As the children’s  song goes tweleve  men went to spy on Canaan ten were bad and two were good.

As an adult how hard is it to go against the flow of the naysayers. Ten against two.

Ten leaders convinced the whole assembly that God’s plan was too hard, pointless.

The people wanted to go back into slavery instead of proceeding with God’s plan!

In fact they wanted to stone the people who were trying to go with God.

Why then do we sometimes see obstacles as a way out?

Obstacles can be a learning experience, a chance to grow, a testimony in the making, God has a plan even when the whole picture looks scary.

I would challenge you and myself included to follow his lead not ours, even when the way seems impossible.

The story can be found in Numbers chapter 13.

Prayer for today:

Please Lord let me be like the two believing in God against obstacles and not conform to the majority knowing God’s way is sovereign. In Jesus Name, Amen

For many women, Mother’s day is a day of dread. The deep longing of loosing a child, being barren, wanting to see your mother this side of Heaven one more time, or having a child who is here on earth but wayward.

Mother’s day to be honest can suck. It can suck the hope right out of us.

“Hope deferred  makes a heart sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

I often wonder if Sarah’s heart was sick. If she laughed at the news of becoming a mother because the hope and hurt of being disappointed was just too much. The story can be found in Genesis 18.

The response to Sarah’s laughter was that nothing is too hard for the Lord.

Nothing is impossible with God. I believe this with all of my heart. God is almighty.

Why then do we put God in a box? Why do we put time limits on God? His time is not our time. I think it is our limited understanding that God has eternity in mind, when our mind is fixed on the temporary.

When we live for eternity the temporary becomes easier.

If this Mother’s day is hard, if you have a child or children in heaven, my deepest condolences no one wants to belong to this club. I think of my daughter and look forward to the day I will see her again. I know God has me in the palm of his hand. I also realize my beautiful daughter is  happy, whole, and vibrant in heaven. I  know that God has used me to comfort others with comfort I would not have known had I not been through a death of a child. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

I take refuge in God never wastes the good or bad in our life, all things work together for good and are used for his purpose.( Romans 8:28)

My heart hurts for the mothers who want to be mothers and don’t have children. God loves you and has a plan.

For the mothers who child didn’t turn out the way they wanted and prayed for. God is a God who pursues. Keep praying. God loves you and them.

I wonder how often if we knew God’s timing and we could see the beautiful testimony unfolding how much comfort that would bring.

God never promised an easy time on earth, in fact he promised the opposite. We will face trials. ( John 16:33)

He did however offer peace with hope. We have a choice to lean into God to mend our broken heart. I am  praying  for his glory to be revealed in a broken situation because God never wastes. He gathers the scraps of a trail and uses it for eternity.

When the trails are pressing down and I feel hopeless, sad, and angry.

I remind myself of Romans 8:18.

“For I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

I have a heavenly home that I long for but until that day, God is working in my life and yours  to have a beautiful testimony.

I am praying for your Mother’s day, for you to feel God’s peace and his hand guiding you in his timing. In Jesus name, amen.